We talk about this a lot – Healing is messy! How do you know when to keep pushing or let go? As someone on the path to healing, more than likely you’ve found yourself clinging to situations much longer than may have been necessary, holding out hope that maybe – this time – they will see you, they will finally understand. Unfortunately, that doesn’t always happen.

Not everyone is capable of hearing you or coming along on your healing journey – even when you so desperately want them to.

Some people are unable to understand you because of their own wounds. And sometimes, it’s easier for them to be angry and blame you than to look at their own shadow.

They might even make up some pretty wild stories about you to fit their narrative – but here’s the thing: you’re not responsible for the version of you that they created in their head. You are responsible for your OWN healing.

So, with that being said, it’s always important to ask yourself, “Is this true? Is what I’m feeling true, is what they are saying true…”, because being on a healing journey is NOT an excuse to blame everyone else for your problems, however, it is equally as important to recognize when someone else is triggered by your awareness or and has some healing to do of their own (which we all do).

So, I wanted to remind you that when facing some of your most powerful relationships throughout your healing process – whether that be parents, siblings, partners, or close friends, you might hear a triggered response from them.

Here Are Some Phrases to Watch Out For:

Triggered Response #1:
“You’re not as healed as you project to be.”

The truth is: You can be healed and healing at the same time. As long as we are living on this earth, we will forever be growing and learning. We are never done and we will never “arrive” anywhere – so don’t let anyone dismiss or invalidate the work that you’ve done to get to where you are.

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Triggered Response #2:
“Well, when you’re done doing your ‘spiritual healing’, I may or may not be here.”

The truth is: This is a tactic to get you to submit to them because this person is uncomfortable with the emotional process. The people who are meant for you want the best for you, and they’re willing to go through the shit with you.

On another note though, I will say this: Be very mindful of the kind of shit you drag people through. Is it necessary to involve them, or should this be something you work out on your own and connect again when you’re in a better space? Processing will take you through quite a roller coaster ride of emotions, and although you may feel like you need to talk it out with the person, I encourage you to take a step back and seek out support in other ways if possible – BEFORE dragging them along for the ride because it could potentially cause more damage.

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Triggered Response #3:
“Speaking ‘your truth’ is just a way for you to say whatever you want and think you can get away with it.”

The truth is: The wounded part within you needs to be heard, but the person who hurt you may not be able to hear you. Instead, it may be more beneficial to talk it through with a support person, rather than the one who you feel caused the wound in the first place. Oftentimes, people are not able to take accountability for how their behavior may have hurt someone else due to their own trauma response.

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Triggered Response #4:
“Those things never happened to you” or “I never did/said that.”

The truth is: They are completely dismissing your experience. Like I just mentioned, they may not be capable of owning it, or want to avoid the negative feelings associated with it. Another possibility, however, is that this person may also hold an incredible amount of guilt or shame around the situation where they may have honestly blocked it out as a way of coping. Again, this is where talking with a support person may be more beneficial than talking directly to the person you are trying to heal from or with.

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Triggered Response #5:
“You’re a liar and a manipulator.”

The truth is: Anyone who resorts to name calling has some growing to do in the emotional maturity department, and it’s time to evaluate the level of energy you are willing to invest into this relationship, and/or how much you want to share with this person. This person is not in a space to hear you, as they have created a narrative that they are sticking with to make you the “bad person”. They may be gas lighting or projecting their issues on to you.

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Triggered Response #6:
“You’re emotionally unstable.”

The truth is: This is another example of gas lighting. They are blaming you, as if you’ve created all of the problems in your own mind. This person will not hear you or try to understand your perspective. Again, emotions make this person uncomfortable, whether that be due to their own emotional waves that they haven’t learned how to cope with, or suppressed trauma from not having their emotional needs met.

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Triggered Response #7:
“You’re the one that caused this to happen.”

The truth is: Again, gas lighting and blaming, not taking accountability for their own actions. When this is someone’s go-to response – they cannot hear you. This person may be unwilling or simply not capable of walking the healing path with you. It doesn’t mean they can’t go on their own path, but please protect your precious energy, and know when to walk away – either physically or energetically.

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If you need support, you may be interested in Metaphysical Counseling where we can help you with identifying core wounds, triggers, boundaries, relationships, confidence and inner authority!